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Thursday, December 28, 2006

It's official. I'm a rescuer. Maybe this isn't news to some of you, but it's news to me. I mean, I know I'm a rescuer of kittens and dogs and those types, but I didn't know I was a rescuer of all kinds. It hit me about an hour ago.

It sucks really. Things that need rescuing are usually not in a good place and the rescuing business is never very easy.

Why the heck did I have to turn out morally good and aware? Why?? I don't want to be. I want to be like so many other people who can sit idly by and just let things happen and grimace when things crash.

The unfortunate thing is, I will likey have to do that. We're not talking kittens here.

However, for the rescuing type, sitting idly by is very hard.....they want so badly to rescue. It causes a wide range of emotion....from guilt to anger and then to depression. You can't stop thinking about it. You wake up and it's there....on the tip of your brain.

It was like that with the kittens both times. It got so bad that I had to rescue them to bring peace to my days and know they were safe. I knew if I did nothing, I would never have peace. And if they died, I would have felt the weight of their death of my shoulders because I had the power to do something....but didn't.

Sound dramatic?

It does, I know.

But I can't help it. Like I said, I wish I could let it go. I wish I could....especially now. I have zero control so I must sit and watch things crash....and I'll take very little comfort in knowing I couldn't do anything about it.


Nobody said it would be easy
Nobody said it would be this hard

-The Scientist, Coldplay

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

are you talking about what i think youre talking about? the thing we talked about while baking...