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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Some of these are pretty funny....

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BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: In what respect, Charley? Charley, Congress had allocated money to the other side of the road and Charley, I said, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Charley, don’t point out that I was for the bridge in 2006 and then I was against it. That is sexist. Or do you mean Charley, our proximity to the other side of the road. You can actually see the other side of the road from land here, Charley. That why I’m an expert on the other side of the road, Charley.

JOE BIDEN: The chicken went to the other side of the road because… (Continued on pages 2-30.)

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

MARTIN LUTHER KING.: I envision a day when all chickens will be free to cross the road without having their motives called into question.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone...

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Merry Christmas....in October?

Back in....I don't know....something like February, Greg bought his Christmas present. A Nintendo Wii. He called me and said he really wanted it and I guess it was some good price so he bought it and put it under the bed...waiting for December. All year long he has been buying little things to go with it...games, controllers, etc. He's been buying two of everything because he says I am going to play with him. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a game person....well, not a video game person. But he's sure I'll be playing with him. We'll see.

So today we are at Best Buy spending one of the gift cards he got for his birthday and he sees a woman at the check out counter with a Wii Fit. He makes a remark about how they are hard to find.

"You want to go look at them?" he asks.
"How much are they?" I ask
"Umm, about $80 bucks"


What the heck. We get out of line and go look. They didn't have any more but my interest was sparked looking at all the Wii Fit accessory stuff. We got back in line and I asked him why he didn't want one for himself. He's always been saying we wants to join the gym and loose some pounds, but going to the gym is a royal pain in the ass so he never joined. When we got home he called around and found out Sears had a few, so he reserved one and went down to pick it up. He added it the Christmas pile under the bed. We will take $40 out of each others Christmas fund and share it. Amazon.com reviewers gave it 4.5 stars out of 5....so maybe this will be my first video game addiction!

He's pretty genius....getting all this stuff in advance. Because he says that will be his only Christmas gift, but he knows good and well I am going to buy him other stuff....so he is making out like a bandit this year.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Just so you know, my lack of posting is on account of my job and how dang busy I am. But I am not going to complain about having a job.

So the other day I was at Sephora....one of my all time favorite stores, and I got some mascara plus they gave me a bunch of free samples. One of them was some kind of anti-aging potion that claims to make you look young and beautiful. Well, ok.....it didn't exactly say that, but you know....that's what they want to say. So tonight before bed I peel open the foil packet and get ready to slather it on hoping for the best. I bring my potion covered palms to my face and slather....then I suddenly stop. I made the worst face....I know because I was looking in the mirror. This stuff smells like rotten fruit! And not even a fruit you can recognize....this fruit is waaay beyond recognition. My first thought was to wash like crazy....get this stuff off! But then I thought about it for a second and looked at my hands....I still had a lot left...enough to slater my arms for good measure. Because you know, no one ever said the fountain of youth would smell like roses....tho I don't think any of us ever thought it would smell like this. So I went on and slathered it all over my arms. I let it dry and got in bed with my laptop and start surfing. Greg comes in and lays down next to me. He sniffs.

"What is that?" He asks....with kind of a wrinkled nose.

"My new beauty potion..."

He got up and left. Not even the cat wanted to lay with me.

I think instead of calling it a potion, I better call it a witches brew.

Hopefully I don't wake up in the morning with warts and green skin!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Calendar Girl - Update!

You can reserve your calendars now and see all the winners! That's my girl....Miss December 2009!

*so proud*

2009 Calendar

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I think this is funny.

A woman I work with is beyond excited about the Mother Goose Parade next month. Not "the" Mother Goose Parade, the San Diego County Mother Goose Parade. She goes every year. I had no idea it even existed. So this year when she looked up the parade marshals and celebrities who will be there and she started screaming so her husband came running to see what was wrong.

"Oh my God!! Christopher Atkins is going to be at the Mother Goose Parade!!! Oh my God!!"

Seems she is still in love with him after all these years. She said: "I've seen The Blue Lagoon like 500 times!!"

So she's going to get her picture taken with him because she has read that he likes to have pictures taken with fans. She told me she might faint if he puts his arm around her.

*laughs*

If you're curious what Christopher looks like these days, you can see him and the rest of the celebrities that will be there.

Parade Celebrities