How Am I?

I've been asked that a lot since my posts on 8/13-14.

Things are okay. Not wonderful or splended or great, but also not horrible or deplorable. Obnoxious...at times, yes. But one day I sat down with myself and we had a talk. Yes, I had a talk with myself. I figured something out. It isn't always easy to see the bright side of things....you have to sort of force yourself to see that side of things. Mostly because being pissed off is easier than letting unwanted change into your life...my life. Staying pissed off really only ends up making things worse and I don't need that.

So one of the things I talked with myself about was being hurt that I wasn't given the advancement. I had to think of why they would do that to me. Did they think I'm not good enough? Did they think I could not learn it all quick enough? Do they think I'm slow and stupid? Why?? I had a chat with my boss because I needed her to know I was mad. This was part of my process of letting it all go....I was "giving" it to her. During our little meeting about it, I realized something important.

She thinks of no one but herself.

So my "why" question was answered. It had nothing to do with me really. She was totally confused at why I'd be mad about this. I told her over and over being passed over for the advancement was a slap in the face. She would wrinkle her brow at me in confusion. Then she'd start in on how this has nothing to do with my chances for advancement. They have every intention of reclassing me and all that crap....so what am I so mad about? See, she totally didn't get it. She never once sat down and thought about how I would feel when I saw an email saying someone had been hired to stand in for her and was hired in a class above me. She never considered how after 9 years of working here and working hard and putting up with all her shit (tho she thinks she does not dish out any shit) I would be mad that they just hired someone above me. I didn't even get the news in person....I read it in an email.....because she didn't think it was a big deal.

She never thinks of anyone else....just about what she wants. And she wanted a geek techy person who can roll right in knowing more advanced technical stuff. And so that's what she hired.

So it has nothing to do with me. All my questions about am I stupid, am I not smart enough....blah, blah, mean nothing. I AM smart enough and I AM very good at my job. The problem is, my boss is an ignoramus. Pure and simple.

The new geek techy person starts today. And geek techy person will have to learn a lot of things before any of her geek techy skills will be useful. Her geek techy skills will make her learning process easier, but she still needs to learn it all....and trust me, there is a lot to learn. There is also the question of the quality of training she will get. Let's just say training around here isn't the best. I had worked here for 7 years when I moved into the job I have now so I didn't need a lot of training. But the training I did get was a little on the weak side. Thankfully I'm smart and catch on fast....otherwise it would have been kinda hard to keep up with the work load. We'll see if that changes. Point I'm trying to make is, hiring someone with more advanced technical training does not guarantee prime results.

As always, I could be wrong ~ things could just all fall into place at an amazing and impressive rate, but I don't think so. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.